Surviving the White Gaze

December 1, 2020

Journalist and author Carroll (Sugar in the Raw) was born to a white teen mother and a young Black father, and adopted shortly thereafter. Raised in a small town in rural New Hampshire, Carroll experienced racism from a young age. Her family of well-meaning white artists didn't anticipate any potential problems with adopting a Black child, and neglected to adequately care for her hair or to discuss issues around race. At age 11, Carroll reconnected with her birth mother and quickly fell into a manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship with her that lasted for decades. Early chapters of this memoir demonstrate Carroll's ability to write evocatively, as she elegantly interweaves the love and support that she received from her friends, parents, and other adults in their community with the casual white supremacy she experienced every day. As the memoir progresses, however, Carroll speeds through the years, focusing on her romantic relationships and ongoing drama with her birth mother. Ultimately, readers may grow weary of Carroll's search for external validation and lack of reflection on her role in her problematic relationships. VERDICT Though sometimes uneven, this personal account may engage fans of memoirs or readers interested in personal stories of adoptees.--Monica Howell, Northwestern Health Sciences Univ. Lib., Bloomington, MN

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Starred review from January 1, 2021
A probing, wise investigation of racial identity. Throughout the memoir, Carroll, a podcast host and cultural critic who develops a wide variety of content at WNYC, demonstrates the most indelible qualities of the genre: an ability to inhabit a version of one's self that no longer exists; an instinct for what's important and what isn't; and a voice that implies personal growth gained through missteps and ultimately self-knowledge. Born to a White mother and Black father, the author was adopted by a White New Hampshire couple with a laissez-faire approach to parenting and very little concept of race. Growing up with a fierce desire to fit in with the popular White kids at school, she entered into a toxic relationship with her birth mother, Tess, a narcissist who took every opportunity to tear down and interrogate her daughter's Blackness and self-esteem. The narrative, which reflects the author's "decades-long, self-initiated rite of passage," is a blunt, urgent study of racial identity and an attempt to chronicle "my ultimate arrival at the complicated depths of my own blackness." Along the way, she encountered a variety of racists, passive and aggressive, and a series of White boys who served as goals to be attained. Carroll also underwent a series of hairstyles, which become symbols for stages of self-actualization. But the heart of the book lies in her back and forth with Tess, who cast a spell on her daughter even as she spewed racist venom and situated herself more as a jealous peer than a dutiful parent. Carroll's quest for authenticity fuels the text, but there's also a quietly tragic subtext of failed parenting, of the many ways one generation can put its own needs before those of the next. The author deftly untangles these pitfalls, creating a specific and personal story that is also compelling for general readers. A deeply resonant memoir of hard-won authenticity.

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